What’s up with women and the “presumption of innocence”?
Why, if everybody is entitled to a fair trial, do women charge, trial, judge and sentence men as if they were all guilty?
Women lawyers, judges and justices there are many; yet no woman believes in the presumption of innocence of a man.
Seriously, that which prays that “everyone is innocent until proven guilty,” is all but “dead-letter” in the minds of women when it comes to men. Sadly, and as if not believing in the presumption of innocence of men where not enough, women don’t believe in shifting the burden of proof either (which in this case would be “everyone is guilty until proven otherwise“). No, for women “men are all the same.”
And even if most men are essentially the same,
Harmless generalizations that fit the gender are nothing to get upset about. Things like men being terribly basic, or how they think about sex all the time, get sleepy after doing that about what we think all the time, don’t understand women, don’t listen to women etc…, are true to most men, really.
There is huge difference between these harmless generalizations and trying to fit men into a basket where they are all abusers, cheaters, liars, etc…
If a woman pursued a relationship with an abuser, an emotionally unavailable man, a petty criminal, a player, a cheat, a liar or a down right “dog,” that alone doesn’t make the gender one of exclusively abusers, emotionally unavailable, petty criminals, players, cheaters, liars or “dogs”.
Huge difference, seriously.
Thing is that if a woman decides (even unknowingly) to plunge head-first into a relationship with one of any of the types of men that fit-the-bill above, and is left justifiably disenchanted (for it turned out to be one where she was abused and left to ponder about her missed opportunities, one where her love for the guy was unrequited, one where she was cheated and/or lied to), she will always come away condemning men when in reality it is not men whom have hurt her but a man. And as much as that man deserves to be charged, trialed, judged and sentenced (some even to serve jail-time), passing-on that same judgment and sentencing to all men, and under the premise that “men are all the same” is terribly unfair with men (no doubt), but mostly with women.
For when women work under the suspicion that “all men are the same,” they too abandon the idea that they can find love in-the-heart of a good man.
As unfair as it is with men, for women to think that for the actions of one man all men have to prove themselves worthy of the kind of affection offered to those that abused-it or didn’t give it return, it’s even worse when it comes for women to find options for their futures. By doing so, she who is won over by her suspicions that “all men are the same,” precludes the possibility of being liked by he who finds them interesting and attractive; he who despite their pasts is willing to work to let her overcome her fears; he who is willing to offer the long lost respect of her past relationships, but doesn’t want nor shouldn’t be judged and sentenced for transgressions he didn’t commit.
Worst part though is when women use the dreaded “all men are the same” not only to preclude themselves from happiness, but instill fear in other women’s hearts too.
Because even if a woman has been hurt she’s been hurt not by men but by a man, one is left to wonder what’s up with women and the “presumption of innocence”?
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Next post: Women and the “silent treatment” (Monday March 5, 2012)
Pseudonym under which I write this blog; Felipe, for it’s in fact my name; Arcano, from the word “Arcane” and for the mysterious nature of women (and which I find is well worth unraveling.) 
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I see this a lot from men. Questions like “Why do all women date douchebags?” or “How come women are so illogical?” get thrown around a lot. It’s the exact same phenomenon you describe except with the genders switched. It’s really annoying. You should write a companion article about men and their generalizations too. Just because the one woman you know went out with a guy you deem a douchebag or sometimes women act like human beings and do something irrational, doesn’t mean all women are logic defying, nice guy hater.
Generalizations aren’t a one gender issue you know.
But for the record, I agree with what you said (minus the “all womankind does this”)
Thank you Kat for commenting on this post! All feedback is welcomed and I sincerely hope you visit this site again soon and take some time to read some other posts.
As for the generalization part… As stated below in response to Claudia G, and though the whole construct of my blog is based on generalizations, I agree with both you and her in that not all women are alike. This doesn’t mean that one cannot capture the spirit of some women when one generalizes. As can be done of men.
In any case, and taking this post for example, I generalize both ways. I acknowledge that some generalizations fit men, yet some don’t. And such is the case with most gender based blogs, books, TV series etc…
So even if generalizations can create distance between genders, races, religions or what have you, they can also serve as bridges if we can respectfully, honestly and frankly talk about them. This dear Kat is the ultimate intent of this blog.
Well, though you may have a point, you are defending an awful generalization with another. All women think all men are the same. Well, no, not all men are the same, and not all women think they are all the same.
But why does a woman who has found a man to be a cheater or abuser or simply stupid then assume that they are all the same? It has nothing with being a woman, but with being a human being. Imagine this: you have always wanted a cat, but for whatever reason you were unable to have one; then, after years of dreaming of having a pretty little kitten you finally get one. And it’s so cute and fluffy and adorable you are just crazy about the damn cat. You are so freaking happy, you cannot believe your luck you finally have a cat. And then …Claws come out! The cat purring while laying so lovely in your lap hears this horrible noise that scares the life out of it and in its panic the poor cat scratches you all over trying to run for dear life. Your face, your arms, your chest, all badly scratched and bleeding while you are trying to hold it and calm it down. After that. You find yourself unable to trust the cat. You still love it but…
sorry, the cat had to go. You are cat free, too bad but it’s better this way. You should be safe, right. Until you are walking down the street on any given day and from a neighbors window you hear a meow. And the sound that would have made you go all soft in places inside you, now makes you jump in fear and lift your hands to your face in instinctive protection. You can’t help it, and at least for a while, you don’t like cats anymore. In fact, you realize that sadly, you kind of hate them now.
It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t the cat’s fault. It just happened. And it will take a lot, a LOT to make you like cats again like you did before.
I, and though the whole construct of my blog is based on generalizations, agree with you in that not all women are alike. This doesn’t mean that one cannot capture the spirit of some women when one generalizes.
Love you analogy with the cat and see the point you make. In any case there is some underlying meaning in the post that is not captured in it; maybe if there where a dog there somewhere it could. Fact is that women and men (like cats and dogs) are at different sides of the fence for which underlying assumptions such as “men are all the same” tend to color the way we conduct ourselves around each other.
What inspires this post is not necessarily how unfair the generalization is, but rather on the unfairness of the message behind it. And not necessarily for the object of the generalization (men), but for the women who believe it. From where I stand, when a woman says “all men are the same” she is not putting all men on the same basket (which she can for as men we do share in a lot of idiosyncrasies) but rather limiting the scope of the men she could meet and with whom she could build a relationship if she believed otherwise.
Using you analogy as an example, cats are not all the same either. They are felines no doubt, and as much as that offers some undeniable facts (and generalizations), kinds of cats there are many. So if you like cats but having one left you torn, looking for another cat or another kind of cat may prove otherwise. But if you deny yourself the opportunity for another or another kind of cat (while still loving them) because ” they are all the same” puts you in a place with few options. Either you never find out if you can choose the kind of cat that suits your needs or you keep steering yourself to the same kind of cat that leaves you torn every time.
Same happens when believing that “men are all the same.” Men are men… but there are different kinds of men. So instead of believing that they are “all the same,” why not date different kinds of men and see if you find one thats different from the one that left you torn? You could even turn out to be a dog lover and undeniably happy about it… who knows.