What’s up with women and the “third-date rule”?
Why if casual flings are mostly non-issues, do women avoid any possibility for casual physical contact when it comes to someone deemed “relationship-worthy”?
Most women will try to convince themselves that they’ve never had a casual fling, but most if not all, have.
Flings are not the sort of things that happen exclusively to the most liberal. Flings happen in many ways, shapes and forms. For the demure, it might be but a “peck” in the lips behind the church after Sunday service; for the riskier it might be “dry-humping” and/or “making-out” -with a stranger at a party, bar or club; for the liberal it might be casual sex with a “friend-with-benefits;” for the liberated it might be all of the above with one-night-stand “cherries” on top. In any case, I’m sure that a situation where gal meets guy, feels a connection and pursues it with “reckless abandonment” (and without regard for what happens next) is something to which most women can relate.
And I’m not the kind to pass judgment. From demure to the liberated I’ve been on the receiving end of such flings, and it’s been great fun every time. But even if I hadn’t, I would still be all-for women doing what ever they want to do, when they want to do it, and with whomever they want to do it.
What puzzles me though, is why if having a fling is always an option with someone who is simply liked, do women avoid all sort of casual physical contact when it comes down to really liking a guy.
When really liking somebody, most if not all women prefer to hold-out on the physical contact for the first few dates; hence the “third-date rule.” So much so that I’ve even been told about strategies women use so as to be able to hold-out for him who they really like. Things like wearing the oldest set of panties or sport-bras on their drawers, not shaving their legs or armpits, or not having a bikini-wax when planning for any of the first few dates, are but some ways women use as to avoid (through self-consciousness) the desire for some physical intimacy with him whom they really like. Even if using these strategies seems a bit extreme, fact remains that if a guy is simply liked the “third-date rule” doesn’t apply. Seriously, if a guy is simply liked he has a better chance of “scoring” than if he is really liked.
Most women would say that holding-out builds anticipation for something special.
And even though I too acknowledge that there’s something romantic and valuable in the patient development of physical intimacy of a relationship, there too is something perverse about the difference most women make between the intimacy that takes place while having a fling and that which takes place in a long-term relationship. Thing is that while holding-out for someone they really like, women are also giving a lot away. So much so, that they place themselves in a corner from where very few can get away.
When in reality what most are thinking is that holding-out will buy them respect from him who they really like.
When holding-out to “buy respect” for example, women are not only buying into the insecurities of judgmental men and women, they are also giving away the possibility of bringing their own ideas into the relationship. Worst part though, is that when doing so, they are also relinquishing their wants for the sake of being liked by him who they really like, but don’t know.
In any case, and if being just liked allows for both a freer more adventurous possibility of physical contact as well as for a situation where less is given away for the sake of being liked in return, I’d rather be simply liked than really liked. I mean really, what’s up with women (and the “third-date rule”)?
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Next post: Women and “sugar-daddies” (February 1st, 2012)
Pseudonym under which I write this blog; Felipe, for it’s in fact my name; Arcano, from the word “Arcane” and for the mysterious nature of women (and which I find is well worth unraveling.) 
I agree with you on this. I believe if a woman holds out to long, the one that might be her soulmate might just pass her buy…because he might think she is not interested. I do believe if nothing sexual happens by the third date then move on…. I knew woman who wouldn’t have sex with the guy sshe likes, but with a guy she doesn’t really care about…backasswards if you ask me.
It should be the other way around no doubt.. What’s up with women?
You’re missing the point. Physical intimacy is a lot easier if you don’t really know/like a person hugely because it doesn’t mean too much. But it comes with a lot more of an emotional investment if you really really like someone. This may not be the case for men, who often seem to consider every hole to be a target.
Even if I agree with the point you make; physical intimacy is no doubt colored by the level of emotional investment one has with whom you are sharing it, I still believe that many misconstrue what physical intimacy entails (be it a fling or in a committed relationship).
For many women physical intimacy within a casual encounter is a transgression of set values and an exploration of the boundaries of pleasure. Yet, and when confronted with physical intimacy within the opportunity of the sort of emotional investment you speak about, many women will retreat to the set values and boundaries they’ve transgressed before.
What baffles me about this (and using the same analogy you use when talking about the “hole”), is that many women when having an affair make of the “hole” not a prize for him who has targeted it but rather the means for a reward for themselves. On the other hand, and when setting themselves for an emotionally charged relationship, they make the “hole” the prize for him who wants it and loose the reward for themselves.